Cutting through the overwhelm to bring about real change

I hope that you had a joyous holiday season and did what I did this week, and took some time off to reset, regroup and remind yourself that it’s ok, and very much necessary, to take time away from worrying about the kids, the house and the list that plays over and over in your mind of things that need to get done.

As the new year quickly approaches, we tend to think about setting resolutions, but how many of us have made resolutions just to watch them crash and burn by the end of January? However, goal setting, especially when it came to ensuring that my son who has autism had what he needed, was super-important to me, and as it turns out, to him too.  And that’s what I want to share with you today.

Just Because You’re Busy, Doesn’t Mean You’re Productive

In this rat race world that we live in, that is technically more connected than ever before in human history, while at the same time as disconnected as we’ve ever been, productivity is one of the things that can easily fall into short supply. This tends to happen when we’ve got our focus on the minutia, instead of the bigger picture.

Yea, I know. There are TONS of books, articles, YouTube videos and podcasts on helping people build their productivity. It’s beyond overwhelming to not only come up with a plan, but just to cut through the heap of so-called “helpful advice” that’s given by everyone who’s published a book (and I’m including those who self-publish as well – everyone thinks they’re an expert these days).

When it comes to raising kids who learn differently, communicate differently, walk or roll differently, that sense of overwhelm can come on even faster and with a heavier degree of depth than for most other people. After all, we were no more or less knowledgeable about raising kids who may not follow the average line on a developmental chart than anyone else – but because we’re AMAZING (lol), rockstar status just comes naturally. Well, maybe not – but to become one could be your New Year’s Resolution 😊

We have an innate tendency to work so hard on the wrong things, and then get discouraged when things don’t turn out the way we think they will or should. Once we’re discouraged, then why not drop the whole thing, and move onto something else? At least that’s what we tell ourselves, and why thousands of in-home gyms are purchased in December and show up on Facebook Marketplace by February. We have good intentions, but then when the rubber hits the road and we need to make a workout routine mesh with the rest of what we have going on, we’re discouraged, defeated and unproductive. This happens because our focus is wrong, because we’re working hard on the wrong stuff.

The Right Stuff

Michelangelo carved the Statue of David after two other sculptors had already given it a try and gave up. He was only 26 years old when he began to create one of the most incredible pieces of art known to man. What was determined to be overwhelming by the other two artists, a seemingly unmanageable 12,000-pound slab of marble, Michelangelo envisioned the result, not the process (which by the way took him 3 years to complete). When later asked how he carved David out of that giant chunk of marble, he said something to the effect that it wasn’t that he carved David out of it, but rather that he carved away what wasn’t. Sometimes it’s more important to get rid of the stuff in our lives that isn’t contributing to the outcomes we’re looking for, rather than plugging and plugging away at something that won’t likely get us very far.

So, instead of focusing on the minutia, the stuff that won’t matter much in the long run, the stuff that consumes you on a day-to-day basis, this 2023 how about creating a pathway to get you the result you really want?

Goals that have lasting meaning (a few anyway) –

#1 Cultivate New Caregivers. If you’re a parent of kids who live in your home, you MUST have someone to fill in when you need a break! It doesn’t matter who your kids are or what they need. We all need to be able to take a moment and just breathe, or else we will fail at being the parent we strive to be. If you don’t have someone to help with that, THAT is YOUR #1 GOAL for 2023.  With kids with special needs it can be a bit tricky, but there are resources out there. Ask people you know for recommendations. Your sources could be teachers, paraprofessionals, therapists, people who run summer camps, etc – but it should definitely be someone you trust. Get a few recommendations and interview them. I’ll do another post on best practices on interviews soon, but in the meantime, stop trying to manage everything with your kids in tow, and find someone who can take over so you can grab a moment to yourself.

#2 Organize Your Paperwork. You know what I’m talking about – IEPs, psych evaluations, speech/language/OT evaluations, report cards, progress reports, doctor’s diagnostic reports, etc. I cannot overemphasize the impact of a parent who walks into an IEP meeting with a binder that’s all put together and looking like they’re ready to take on the world! It’s good for advocacy, and it’s good for your mental health (preventing you from feeling scattered and unsure of yourself). This goal, when carried through each year, will help you get the result you’re hoping for as your child moves through their education.

#3 Set Up a Special Needs Trust. Yes, we all think we’ll live a long healthy life, but reality is that some of us won’t, and for those who are constantly filled with stress and don’t have outlets (like in #1 above), our end can come sooner than expected. Most humans outlive their parents, it’s just the way it is. It’s an especially scary concept for those of us who have kids who need ongoing support, but putting our heads in the sand won’t make it better or make it go away. Yes, there are ABLE accounts, but that doesn’t replace a will and a trust. Set a date on your calendar to attend a training on how to do it yourself, or to consult with an attorney. Make 2023 the year this big-ticket item gets checked off the to-do list.

If these 3 goals are what you accomplish this year, YAY for YOU! And when they are completed, you will feel a great sense of productivity, AND a true accomplishment!

My 2023 wish for you is that you and your family have a year filled with love, laughter, good health, and peace.

Warmest wishes,

Stacey

PS If you have a friend or family member who could benefit from this kind of information, please share. They can get signed up and download the classroom accommodations list at https://mailchi.mp/83bf854b35ad/classroom-accommodations